i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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