Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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