I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
