maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
