i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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