I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
