Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
