We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
