bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
