Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
