My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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