yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My life is pants optional.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
