nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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