AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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