No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
