I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
