Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
