sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
even my farts smell like vagina
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
