First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
