your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
