Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
