I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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