Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
