i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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