Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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