So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
