yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
