so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
