After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
