Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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