a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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