We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
