Where is the hickey?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
