rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
