i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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