ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
