I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
