and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
