dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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