So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
