So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize