do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
