i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
