omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
