my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
