Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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