That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
