He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
