mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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