Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
