she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize