I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
