dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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