I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize