the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize