I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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