There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
