Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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