dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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