He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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