You really coming over, don't trick.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
