planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
