I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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