i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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