I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We are two peas in an std pod
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
