Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
