i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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