No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
