Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
