I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
