Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
