she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
