Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
