i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
