when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
look no pants
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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