Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
