Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
