A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
