I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
