just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
