State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
