Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
