i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
