I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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