Kareoke will never be a sober sport
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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