Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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